Know your limits, but never stop trying to exceed them.– Anonymous
The best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in...– Andy Warhol (via ohbabyitsnatalie)
Existence is the evidence– Joey de Leon Not much of a spoiler, I guess, but I have been working on THE Eat Bulaga book for some time now. This morning, before leaving for work, my dad and I talked about the book and the legacy Eat Bulaga leaves behind. Without blinking, he likened noontime shows to gladiators battling it...
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.– Walter Bagehot
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Facepalm moments - Luccas
Okay, before you read any further, let me first give you a brief background on my little cousin, Luccas.
A sweet and adorable, pint-sized six-year old, Luccas is ideally harmless. But beyond his scrawny physique, lies an extremely brilliant child whose mischief is nothing short of legen-wait for it-dary. In Big Bang Theory terms, he is most likely "one lab accident away from becoming a super-villain". Luccas is probably a perfect blend of Dennis the Menace, Kevin from Home Alone, the kid from Problem Child and Damien from The Omen. Add a touch of the Escalera Brothers to the mix and package that with Puss in Boots' irresistible charm and you've got one helluva kid. Get it? HELLuva.
Though there are a million tales on the self-proclaimed, Luccas the Badass, this one is probably my favorite. One day, a maid finds a mysterious lump of dung (a.k.a. a log of sh*t) on the patio.
A then 4 or 5-year old Luccas comes running to the scene, scratching his head.
Maid (pointing to crap on the ground): Luccas! Ikaw gumawa nito noh?!
Luccas: No, I didn't do it! Si Vegas yan! Poo poo yan ng dog!
Maid: Hindi tumatae diyan yung aso! Sigurado kang hindi ikaw yan?!
Luccas: No, not me! Yung dog yun! Si Vegas!
Maid: Naku, ewan. Sige sige.
Luccas innocently smiles and calmly walks away.
The next day, another mysterious turd is found.
Maid: Luuuuccaaaaaas!!!!!!! Ikaw ito 'no?!
Luccas: No, not me!
Maid: Eh sino pa gagawa niyan kasama ko si Vegas.
Luccas: Yung BIRD yan! Bird nag-poo poo diyan.
Luccas: Oo yung bird yan!
Maid: Bird?! Eh paanong bird yan, eh napakalaki ng tae na 'yan!
Luccas: Ahhh.. *grins* DADDY BIRD kasi yun!
Luccas Strikes Again.
Facepalm moments - What's in a name?
I love my name. But, let's face it, my name "Jako" is literally one letter shy of the Filipino slang word for Masturbation. Yes, masturbation. (it's JAKO + an L, in case you still don't know). Can't believe how adding just one letter can change everything for you. Oh well.
Anywho, I had to deal with that for most of my life. Though I had an immunity to it, peers and classmates would still make fun of me. Imagine my relief when I moved to the states. New life. New identity. I thought it was great! In fact, when I first got there, most Americans actually liked my name. The worst I would get was something like, "Jako? like Michael Jackson? Wacko Jacko! Nice!", which was cool I guess. Finally, school came and I was excited to live the first day of my new ridicule-free life until...
New Classmate: Hey man, what's your name?
Me: I'm Jako.
New Classmate: Jako?! Like Michael Jackson! Nice... Wacko Jacko!
Me: Haha (nervous laughter) yep, Wacko Jacko...
New Classmate: Aight, nice to meet you, man.
I started walking back to my seat, but just when I thought everything was okay, he calls out...
New Classmate: Hey man, you know what I just thought of, they should add an F to your name and call you JAKOF!
Imagine that. One letter...a different letter... in a different language... same effing meaning. I mean, what are the odds?!
Facepalm moments - Feffermint
Getting massages can relieve stress and tension. On rare occasions though, instead of taking it away, it tends to add to it! Here's one conversation between me and a masseuse that made me do a... you guessed it... facepalm. (I apologize to foreign readers for it's mostly in Tagalog)
Masseuse: Sir, higa na.
Masseuse: Sir, anong owel ang gusto niyo?
Me: Owel?! ahh oil! Sorry, di ko alam eh... anong meron?
Masseuse: Vanilla, Lavender at FEFFERMINT...
Me (nasasamid): Ano uli?
Masseuse: Vanilla, Lavender at Feffer...
Me (cutting her off): Ah ok na, sige lavender na lang..
Masseuse: Ayaw n'yo fo talaga ng feffermint?
Me: Peppermint? Ah eh...
Masseuse: Ofo, Feffermint! Okay fo yon!
Me: *pacefalm, este, facepalm*
Lucky for you guys the fun doesn't end there!
Me: Teka, ano na lang ba yung mabango?
Masseuse: Yung Feffer...
Me (cutting her off again): Hinde, ayoko ng peppermint, yung iba? ano mabango?
Masseuse: hmmm... ay sir! meron fo rin fala tayong UNSCENTED!
For kicks, I asked again to make sure. I might have misunderstood her the first time, right?
Me (jokingly): Ah... okay? Unscented? Sigurado kang mabango ba yun ha?
Masseuse: Ofo Sir!!! Mabango fo yun!
Facepalm moments - Ben (Updated)
My friend "Ben" is one comic book-toy-cartoon geek. He's a goody goody guy so we never thought he'd actually do something un-ben-like. Here is the conversation I had with him over the phone last night:
Me: Hey man, I heard you got a tattoo, is that true?!
Ben: Yes Yes! It's awesome!
Me: How big?
Ben: Around 3 inches by 3 inches.
Me: You do know your mom will kill you.
Ben: Well, I'm 32 years old. I'm old enough to make my own decisions!
Me: Okay, fine, geez ... what did you get?
UPDATE: Here is his facebook status: I got a tattoo. (name of siblings) if youre reading this, don't tell mom! I'll tell her soon enough.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were...– Thomas Edison
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.– Oscar Wilde
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the...– Anonymous